Why IVF Is So Exhausting: The Real Cost of “Just One More Round”

Title: Why IVF Is So Exhausting: The Real Cost of “Just One More Round”

By Liz Bancroft

"If you’ve ever burst into tears just trying to book your next scan, this one’s for you."

Let’s say it clearly: IVF is not just physically demanding. It’s emotionally brutal—and often soul-depleting. Yet, in most clinics, fatigue is dismissed, invisibilized, or worse—treated like a personal failure to cope. But IVF burnout is real. It’s measurable. And for many women—especially those who are neurodivergent—it's not just a side effect of the process. It is the process.

What Makes IVF Exhausting (That No One Tells You)

IVF isn’t a single event—it’s a relentless cycle of disruption. Here’s why it wears you down:

• Hormonal chaos: Medication-induced mood swings, bloating, night sweats, and brain fog are not just side effects—they’re full-body invasions.

• Appointment overload: Your calendar becomes a patchwork of scans, blood tests, retrievals, transfers, and specialist reviews—with constant last-minute changes.

• Financial anxiety: You’re not just drained emotionally. You’re drained financially. Each “round” comes with an invoice and uncertainty.

• Emotional whiplash: Hope, grief, hope again. IVF keeps you in a perpetual state of emotional contortion—never quite celebrating, never quite grieving.

No wonder you’re tired. IVF is not just about embryos. It’s about endurance.

Neurodivergent Fatigue Is Different

For autistic and ADHD women, the IVF experience can be even more depleting—because it plays out across a nervous system already carrying a high load. Here’s why:

• Decision paralysis: There’s rarely a clear “best option” in IVF, which creates cognitive overload and shutdown.

• Executive dysfunction: Tracking meds, schedules, and specialist advice can push mental organization past capacity.

• Masking in medical spaces: Pretending you’re coping, when you're not, leads to internal collapse later.

• Sensory overwhelm: Bright lights, clinic smells, internal ultrasounds, and early morning appointments strip your reserves.

• Routine disruption: Losing your usual structure throws your nervous system into chaos, leading to burnout.

You’re not being dramatic. You’re surviving an environment designed without your neurotype in mind.

Signs of IVF Burnout

Wondering if you’re burnt out or just “tired”? Here’s what fertility fatigue can actually look like:

• You dread every clinic phone call, even if it’s just a blood test result.

• You avoid your friends because you can’t face another pregnancy announcement.

• You’ve lost touch with why you started—your “why” feels distant or hollow.

• You feel disconnected from your own body, like it’s a machine breaking down.

These aren’t signs of weakness. They’re signs your system is overloaded.

You’re Not Lazy. Your Nervous System Is Over Capacity.

In trauma-informed psychology, we call this allostatic load—the accumulated wear-and-tear on your body from chronic stress. And for neurodivergent folks, we add autistic burnout to the mix: the result of sustained masking, environmental stress, and overwhelm.

You don’t need to try harder. You need space to recover.

How to Replenish and Regulate

Burnout recovery is not about bubble baths and herbal tea. It’s about real, sustainable nervous system repair. Here’s what helps:

• Structure: Build micro-routines. Use visual schedules. Anchor your day in predictability wherever possible.

• Sensory decompression: Find quiet. Dim the lights. Use compression, soft fabrics, music, or nature to reset.

• Support: Work with a therapist or coach who understands trauma and neurodivergence. Generic advice won’t cut it.

And most importantly—stop asking yourself to power through.

You Don’t Need to Choose Today

If you’re too tired to try again but too scared to stop, don’t force a decision.

Start by resting.

You don’t need to be sure. You don’t need to bounce back. You don’t need to hustle your healing.

You just need to breathe.